hello all, all as in a few ppl that actually get on here. i have not been myself the last few days. havent read my bible in a long time, had soccer tryouts and have yet to get a call, and just feel like crap. not the best of days for me. i broke down crying on friday cause i feel lost with my walk with the lord and the game of soccer. ankle is hurt again so that also doesnt make it better. just wondering how some people can walk so close with god and not me. how their love for him looks so greater then mine has ever been. i dont feel like a christian. if you were a strange and asked me if i was i would say yes bt then when i think about it… i am not living as one. i am not living to gods stander. i feel like he wants me to come to him  so bad, but i just keep living the same way. listen to music thats prob not that good. watching movies that arent that good for me to watch. dont get me wrong the movies are great, but when you really look at them… they can be pretty bad. transformers 12&3 are a series that i love, yet they have a lot in them. i just dont know what to do at times. i never think b4 i do. i feel like god hates me sometimes. yet when i do things wrong he says he stills loves me…. idk how he does it. i just wish him and i could just talk face to face for 5 mins right now. thats the one thing i wish for, lord, ik i am a sinner, i wont say i try my best cause i def dont. please give me the chance and strength to show you that i can fight whatever comes my way, please… dont give up on me. you are my all and all and i am sorry for what i have done to hurt you. forgive this sinner seth arnold. please. now, i have two weeks till my second love of my life comes back into my life. i ask if you could keep her safe as you did on the other trip. bless her with your word and give her wisdom as she continues to walk with you. help us to grow through you as well. you both need you. as does every person in this life. lord again forgive me for whatever i hurt you with. i want to make you proud. i cant wait to see you. job is a man thats is so great i would like to be like him. he had so much come his way yet… never ever gave up on you. gosh how did he do that, how did he know that you were gonna take care of him through all that. idk but he sure knew. lord, help me to understand that you are all i need. just you. not anyone else, just you. and lord….. bless us. help us to make our way throw all. help her to know that she means a lot to me and nothing and NOBODY can stop what WE have cause we have it in you. i love you lord, my all and all. have a great night all

Haven’t done this in awhile. But oh well. Here’s what’s up, I have a job now, which is going good! I am on my own within a month and today I get paid with my second paycheck :) so yeah, things are going. I have been trying to live for the Lord more then I ever had. I mean I have always tried but its important more then ever now. This is what it comes to. Me deciding weather or not I want all that God has pit in front of me or walk away… I am too blessed not to take what he has given me. He is so good to me and I am like blind and never see it. God is good. Victoria if you read this I want you to know you are everything to me. At the end of June you and I will be together for 3 years… That’s huge. I think I want to… Ah never mind Haha :) but anyway, please be safe this summer! I need you when you get back… Your a must for me to see :) my prayers will be going put to you and brianna. Stay strong girl cause you know what… We are still very young and have our whole Lives ahead of us. Well that’s all I have to say for now. Have a blessed weekend all!